Holidays may be joyous, but they often come with awkward moments, family dysfunction and difficult conversations. As political tensions increase in our nation, it’s no wonder they often impact our gatherings with family and friends, too. With the right tools and techniques, however, you can avoid a fiasco at your next holiday dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n
It may be tempting to set some ground rules before the event – say, no politics or religion – but this could backfire.<\/p>\n\n\n
“Sometimes when we set rules on what can and cannot be talked about, people actually think about these topics or focus on these topics more\u2026 almost like an elephant in the room,” says Dr. Casey Wolfington, vice president of Vail Health Behavioral Health.<\/p>\n\n\n
Instead of focusing on what’s off-limits for discussion, consider using conversation starter cards to help guide conversations to positive topics. Place the cards around the room and on the dinner table for easy access as a fun way to help keep conversations light and as a tool guests can use to redirect conversations when necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n
“I think people often get confused about what boundaries are,” says Amy Vogt, Vail Health Behavioral Health intern. “Boundaries aren’t about the other person \u2026 they’re about your response. You can’t control someone else’s behavior.” Instead of telling someone how they should talk to or treat you, a boundary should define what you will do in response to their behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n
“It’s not: ‘You can’t talk to me like that’ or ‘Stop yelling,'” Vogt explains. “That’s a request or a demand. If it’s a boundary, it has to come along with an action from you. You can’t control whether or not people talk about politics, but what you can control is what you do if they choose to do that.”<\/p>\n\n\n
It may help to run through some possible scenarios before the event and think of how you would respond should a conversation get uncomfortable, such as: “If the conversation turns disrespectful, I will leave the table.”<\/p>\n\n\n
It’s important to keep yourself calm and regulated during stressful situations to avoid conflict and heated debates. What can you do to manage your emotions and regulate your nervous system?<\/p>\n\n\n
“Calm bodies make calmer conversations,” Vogt says. “When our bodies go into fight or flight, it makes it really hard to connect.”<\/p>\n\n\n
Take a few minutes to focus on your breath. Deep breathing is one of the most effective ways to regulate your nervous system. Shrug your shoulders to help dissipate physical tension. Go outside. Take a walk.<\/p>\n\n\n
When talking with someone, focus on listening to what the person is saying, rather than preparing what you want to say next. Listen to understand, ask questions, be curious. Try asking: “What I’m hearing you say is X. Is that right?” or “Help me understand what you mean.”<\/p>\n\n\n
“Curiosity is the great connector,” Vogt says.<\/p>\n\n\n
Many of us shy away from conflict, but differing opinions needn’t lead to conflict if handled correctly. It can be an opportunity to understand one another better, as long as we stay calm in the process. Maybe you’re having a disagreement on politics – can you find shared values within the debate?<\/p>\n\n\n
“Most of the time, people agree on the why, just not the how,” Vogt says.<\/p>\n\n\n
If you feel uncomfortable or frustrated, say so.<\/p>\n\n\n
“There is so much power to naming that,” she says. “You can say: ‘I am feeling so frustrated right now.’ Doing so in a gentle way can calm your nervous system while also letting the other person know how you’re feeling.”<\/p>\n\n\n
“Ultimately, the goal isn’t perfect communication,” Vogt says. “That’s not the reality. It’s staying emotionally connected even when things get messy, especially with family and people you really care about. You’re not going for perfection, you’re going for connection.”<\/p>\n\n\n
Should the conversation end on a bad note, remember to reach out afterwards.<\/p>\n\n\n
“Repair is more important than being right,” she adds. “Just a simple text after a conflict that says ‘I care about you. I don’t like how we left things. Can we reset?’ Most people want to know that the relationship still matters.”<\/p>\n\n\n
Before:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n In the moment:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n Afterwards:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n Holidays may be joyous, but they often come with awkward moments, family dysfunction and difficult conversations. As political tensions increase in our nation, it’s no wonder they often impact our gatherings with family and friends, too. With the right tools and techniques, however, you can avoid a fiasco at your next holiday dinner. Set the…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4565,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4564","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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